Excerpt from Chapter 1:
To Confront or Not to Confront?
From Sarita’s Book:
“If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What DO You Say?”
I’ve observed that sometimes the energy we expend being in fear of confrontation is worse than the confrontation itself. Things don’t always work out perfectly, but sometimes getting that “knot” out of the pit of our stomach by handling a situation is the true reward. I heard somewhere that confrontation is the price we have to pay for peace of mind. I hope you find helpful the excerpt below from my book “If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What DO You Say?”
F.E.A.R. – Find out what’s keeping you from confronting
Confronting an individual about bothersome behavior or sharing concerns comes with some risks.
What if you hurt the other person’s feelings?
Or even worse, what if the person is offended or becomes defensive?
It could get ugly! No wonder most people avoid these situations.
However, if fear is stopping you from handling situations that need to be handled, you must first figure out what exactly it is that scares you.
Then, do a “reality check” and see if indeed that fear is valid. Or is it “false evidence”?
“False Evidence Appearing Real” is what experts say the acronym F.E.A.R. means. However, I think that for many people the acronym really stands for: “Forget Everything And Run!”
Which of the following keep you from handling challenging situations? And, how likely is that feared outcome?
(Check all that apply.)
__ Hurting person’s feelings
__ Getting an angry or defensive reaction
__ Getting angry or upset yourself
__ Saying something you will regret
__ Making matters worse
__ Destroying the relationship
__ Saying something that will make you look stupid
__ Jeopardizing your job
__ Being seen as negative
Once again, ask yourself: How likely is the feared outcome? Often, you will never really know the outcome until you actually address the situation…
…According to Difficult Conversations, the 1999 book based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, “No matter how good you get, difficult conversations will always challenge you. Achieving perfect results without risk will not happen. Getting better results in the face of tolerable odds might.”