Work with whiners? When a co-worker approaches us and launches into the latest lament, here are five ways to respond. Use the strategies below that feel most comfortable for you.
- Set Boundaries:
“I can give you my full attention for about 15 minutes, then I really need to get back to work.” - Find out what they need:
“Before you continue, I need to know whether you want me to just listen, or do you want my suggestions on what to do?” - Empathize:
“I know it has been hard for you. You’ve had to work twice as much since the staff cutbacks.”
(Note: Often, people will continue to share the same concerns over and over until they know we have really heard them and understood their pain.) - Offer a positive reality check:
“I noticed you mentioned what bothers you about this situation. I wonder what the lesson might be or whether there are any positives. - Encourage constructive action:
“What are your options for resolving this?”
“What do you think you’ll do about it?”
“Who might be able to help you?”
NEVER dismiss the feelings of the other person with comments like, “You should not feel that way” or “It is not that bad.” They are entitled to feel the way they do–even if they are a naysayer. AND we are entitled to decide how much of a role we want to play in assisting them.
I’m reminded of the words of the late, great motivator Jim Rohn, who said that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. That’s one more reason to carefully consider how much time we spend with those who are chronically cranky.
By the way, sometimes we don’t just work with whiners, we’re related to or live with them. In that case, we may not be able to avoid them altogether, but we can certainly decide how much time and energy we give them. We can also balance negativity by intentionally adding encouraging, positive people to our circle.
Protecting our time and energy is not unkind. It’s wise. When we combine empathy with healthy boundaries, we create relationships that are energizing instead of exhausting. Over time, the way we choose to respond to others affects not only our workday, but our whole world.
