In an interview about my new book Say What You Mean in a Nice Way: Working Together Better in High-Tech Times, I was asked “how can we be more diplomatic?”
I loved that question because people sometimes mistake the word “nice” for “weak” or “wimpy”, but I believe that the word can mean “tactful,” “assertive”—not aggressive!—and, well, “diplomatic.”
Here’s how I replied to the question on being more diplomatic:
The biggest shift we can make is to change the blaming tone of “you always,” “you need to” and “you better” to “I would appreciate” and “I’m concerned.”
I continued my commentary by giving this example:
Instead of saying “you don’t know what you’re talking about,” say “I heard something different” or “I have a different understanding.”
The interview included other queries about the contents of my book–and now newest keynote Say What You Mean in a Nice Way. My responses all led back to the quintessential question of how to be more diplomatic and say what you mean in a nice way.
Here are my top tidbits from the interview—some straight out of my book and some quotable quotes from others:
- Take your ego out of it when you’re determining whether something is confrontation worthy. (“They’re not doing it MY way…”) I suggested three questions to ask instead.
- Do you want a relationship, or do you want to be right? (Hmmm…)
- Send your email with positive intention and don’t lose sight of common courtesy. Please and thank you are still the magic words!
- People don’t just want information; they also want validation. (I shared two acronyms to remind us how to help others feel heard.)
- “Peace is not absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” – Ronald Reagan (My Facebook status during week of the interview)
- When texting for business use emojis and text abbreviations sparingly.
- Every team has task roles, relationship roles and those anti-group people with their own agenda. Which one are you?
- Sarita’s advice re: maximizing Zoom: Be present! (Camera on, stay engaged.)
- Don’t listen to respond. Listen to understand. (Nod to Stephen Covey)
- Relationships — people do business with those they know, like and trust.
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To watch the interview conducted by Greg Voisen of the Inside Personal Growth podcast, please visit their YouTube channel, or listen to the audio on their website.
