Twenty years ago this month, in September 2006, I introduced the A.I.R. Model in my first book, If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What DO You Say? It was my answer to this question: How do I tell someone that what they’re doing is a problem, without destroying the relationship? Two decades later, people are still asking that question. When…
“You’re not the boss of me!” Growing up as the oldest of four children, I was frequently reminded of that by my two younger sisters and my brother. If you are the oldest in your family, you can relate to that plight. I had to change my bossy-big-sister ways and replace “You better” with “I would prefer” and “You never”…
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” We’ve all heard that popular phrase. In fact, growing up I not only heard the phrase, I felt haunted by it. On so many occasions, I might have had something to say, yet if it were a concern or something less than positive, I would choose not to say…
You can dish it out. But can you take it? Most of us spend years learning how to give feedback well. We rehearse what to say, soften the delivery, and pick our timing carefully. But almost no one teaches us the other half of the equation, which is how to receive negative feedback without getting defensive. Why We Get Defensive…
Work with whiners? When a co-worker approaches us and launches into the latest lament, here are five ways to respond. Use the strategies below that feel most comfortable for you. Set Boundaries: “I can give you my full attention for about 15 minutes, then I really need to get back to work.” Find out what they need: “Before you continue,…
A.I.R. Model: A Three-Step Process for Constructively Conveying Concerns Difficult conversations are inevitable. We’ve all had those moments when we must voice concerns, address an issue, or share negative feedback. To make difficult conversations less difficult, try my three-step process for constructively conveying concerns: A.I.R. – A- Awareness, I- Impact, R- Request AWARENESS – Give the other person the benefit…