Twenty years ago this month, in September 2006, I introduced the A.I.R. Model in my first book, If You Can’t Say Something Nice, What DO You Say? It was my answer to this question: How do I tell someone that what they’re doing is a problem, without destroying the relationship? Two decades later, people are still asking that question. When…
“You’re not the boss of me!” Growing up as the oldest of four children, I was frequently reminded of that by my two younger sisters and my brother. If you are the oldest in your family, you can relate to that plight. I had to change my bossy-big-sister ways and replace “You better” with “I would prefer” and “You never”…
You can dish it out. But can you take it? Most of us spend years learning how to give feedback well. We rehearse what to say, soften the delivery, and pick our timing carefully. But almost no one teaches us the other half of the equation, which is how to receive negative feedback without getting defensive. Why We Get Defensive…
A.I.R. Model: A Three-Step Process for Constructively Conveying Concerns Difficult conversations are inevitable. We’ve all had those moments when we must voice concerns, address an issue, or share negative feedback. To make difficult conversations less difficult, try my three-step process for constructively conveying concerns: A.I.R. – A- Awareness, I- Impact, R- Request AWARENESS – Give the other person the benefit…
“Speak in anger and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” This popular quote is a cautionary tale of what could happen if we let our emotions get the best of us. Yet, it’s understandable to have an emotional reaction when you receive criticism. You may feel defensive. You may want to explain yourself and defend your actions. So…
“You have a bad attitude!” Even though we know people who could benefit from that negative feedback, that ugly wording is not the best way to share it. There are two reasons that saying “you have a bad attitude” is not the best way to get results: Those harsh words are likely to get a defensive response. It provides…